Priceless…

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From the mouths of babes

A little boy was overheard praying:

“Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it.

I’m having a real good time like I am.”

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After the christening of his baby brother in church,

Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied,

“That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,

and I wanted to stay with you guys.”

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One particular four-year-old prayed,

“And forgive us our trash baskets

as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

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A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they

were on the way to church service,

“And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

one bright little girl replied,

“Because people are sleeping.”

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A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.

“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,

‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,

“Ryan, you be Jesus!”

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A father was at the beach with his children

when the four-year-old son ran up to him,

grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore

where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.

“He died and went to Heaven,” the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,

“Did God throw him back down?”

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A wife invited some people to dinner.

At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,

“Would you like to say the blessing?”

“I wouldn’t know what to say,” the girl replied.

“Just say what you hear Mommy say,” the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said,

“Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”

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And if you don’t give at least 8 people this link —– who cares?!

Peace, love and happiness -)

Redneck Pick-up Lines

1.) Did you fart?
cuz you blew me away.

2.) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special.

3.) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can’t hold it in.
4.) Do you have a library card?
cuz I’d like to sign you out.

5.) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6.) If you was a tree I were a Squirrel,
I’d store my nuts in yer hole.

7.) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty’s only a light switch away.

8.) Man – “Fat Penguin!”
Woman – “WHAT? ”
Man – “I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.”

9.) I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10.) I can’t find my puppy, can you help me find him?
I think he went inta this cheap motel room.

11.) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12.) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

and…. the best for last!

13.) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it my nuts tighten up

What’s that wrinkly thing on Grandma?

It’s Grandpa!  LOL